Mental note to self - add Crime Fighting to Skills section of resume

So, along with my many talents of house-girlfriend-ery and ass scratching, I can now add crime fighting to my list of accomplished skills.

We just got back from a trip to Italy, and I actually stopped a crime from happening there. That’s right, I know you’re surprised, but I used my super-human strength, panther-like reflexes and unparalleled ability to make life-altering decisions in the split of a second to stop a pick-pocket from stealing a girl’s wallet from her backpack.

I won’t tell you the details, but let’s just say creating a scene was involved, which is really something out of my element.

The Mayor of Milan is going to name a street after me and he presented me with an official State Medal (which matches perfectly with my Super-Hero costume – nothing but style in Milan!).

I spent the rest of my vacation signing autographs, kissing babies, saving cats out of trees and dumping large quantities of money into the Italian economy for shoes, bags and belts. I know, there’s no end to my generosity.