Monday, May 15, 2006

So, Greece does NOT suck

There's something about meeting a significant other's parents that could make even the strongest of personality types puke the day of. I'm not implying that I would ever be reduced to such an undignified state of fear and uncertainty, but I can certainly see such an occurrence happening. Of course, not sleeping for over 48 hours straight and then eating a pork gyro, pork being the foulest of meats, and apparently the national favorite (and here I thought lamb, but what do dumb Americans know....) could also contribute.

It's not so much the meeting, as it is the horrible anticipation, the growing fear and alarm, that nervous pit in the bottom of your stomach, that slowly spreads to your limbs and causes your knees to knock together under your beautiful Tahari cocktail dress as you teeter on your stilettos while you are presented to a small, white haired, kind faced woman who speaks no English, and actually appears more afraid of you, than you of her. Kind of like when my mother used to try to impress upon me that the spider, 1 millionth my size, was probably quaking a tad more than I was upon our introduction and its inevitable encounter with the bottom of my shoe.

Not that I would ever liken a parent to an insect, more closely to Jabba the Hut. But I think I won her over. I do. No really. My hello was flawless, my smile, although somewhat wobbly, was sincere, as was my firm, but polite handshake.

And of course, the coup de gras, when the groom left the dance floor to single me out and drag me to the dance floor to display my inept ability to learn line dancing, my EL's mother actually stood up and took pictures of me. I personally think it was to have something to identify me to the hit man she hired, but nonetheless, it was a nice gesture. Of course, if I find a dart board in their living room with a startling resemblance to me, I won't take it personally.

It also appears, that in countries outside of America, lawyers have earned a certain modicum of respect. I guess in Europe lawyers are more trained to cover up the slime mark they leave in their wake. Or, maybe the level of ethics is different. Maybe they actually practice ethics here. Amazing.

Either way, Greece is a lovely country. I am slowly getting over my fear of venturing out on my own. Venturing out in a country where you look like the natives is somewhat daunting. Mainly because everyone expects you to speak the language. And when you stammer your apologies that actually, you don't speak any Greek, but rather English, and not British English, but the twangy American English, they look almost disappointed. They look at you as if you failed them. I think they think I'm Greek, but I haven't bothered to learn Greek in my native America. An insult of the greatest proportions, especially in a country that prides itself as being the "cradle of civilization." (Enough to make me puke again, but I'll refrain.)

But, I have managed, in the past week I've spent here, to learn the alphabet, and I've taught myself to read, at an amateur level to be sure, but certainly impressive for a weeks worth of hanging out. I may not know what the hell I'm reading, but by god, I won't be categorized as illiterate. NOT in the "cradle of civilization" of all places. (You'd think the cradle of civilization would eat something OTHER than pork all the time, but civlized must mean different things to different people).

The kitchen in my apartment is a Jewish girl's dream come true. There is no stove or oven. NO STOVE OR OVEN. Utterly fabulous. What's for dinner dear? RESERVATIONS. The ultimate bachelor-pad has backfired.

And there is a lovely strip of coffee shops and restaurants right by me. You know, to go, sit, read, have a coffee. Apparently, it's ok to sit and drink a coffee for two hours. This doesn't jive with my New York go get em mentality, but I will persevere to acclimate myself to this alien ideology. When in Rome and all that.....Ahh the travails of being on holiday for an undetermined period of time. I know, you all feel so sorry for me. Me too.....

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

YOUR TWISTED, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT

Anonymous said...

Fascinating experience. I'm to meet my girlfriend's family in Maine (from LA myself) this August at her sister's wedding. I'm refraining from putting too much thought into it as the combination of meeting my significant other's parents while attending their other child's wedding would likely cause my head to implode.

Now the question is, will I embarrass myself more by trying or not trying to keep me from embarrassing myself? Guess I'll find out in August.

Jane said...

I'm glad it went well with the mother. Long may your victory continue.

As for the kitchen it sounds like any girl's dream.

Anonymous said...

while you are off gallavanting in the mecca of "its "ok"..." i am here....facing the forces of darkness by MYSELF....with the occasional guest appearance of RODENTS OF UNUSUAL SIZE....and im telling you satan has gotten her game together...she has brought this war to new levels...like "nam" levels. I dont know if we are fighting, or laughing, or enjoying each other, or pretending to enjoy each other while really trying to pry into the depths of each others very twisted minds lol COME HOME DAMMIT. COME HOME COME HOME COME HOME. im glad you are having fun but this is just NOT RIGHT, a gal needs her little bigger sister to teach her how to take 12 shots of tequila and STILL find her way back home, and throw up with style on the 59th street bridge in bumper to bumper traffic at 5am. throw me a frikkin bone here - stop humping the european lazer and GET HOME! love you :0)

Unknown said...

I'd begrudge you such a great time if you didn't have to put up with the gyros all the time... Bleurgh. I'd go for the salad if I were you - proper feta and olives. Yum.

Glad to hear things aren't an unmitigated disaster.

Jack Burden said...

Random question: do you catch any crap for being American? Not so much b/c of George "Screw The Rest of The World" W., but because America sponsored/propped up at least 1 Cold War dictatorship in Greece, maybe two.

I know, hardly the question to ask someone who's enjoying their (permanent?) vacation, but I really am curious.

Michelle Yasharpour said...

I'm so glad you're back on the blog...I've missed you!

carrotpenis said...

Come on pork is the other white meat and without pork there would be no bacon.

Glad to here things are going well and that you are acclimating to the relaxed lifestyle quickly.

Anonymous said...

In the end he will beat you up and cheat on you. Greek men are shit. Keep eating pork and other forbidden foods, you fucking whore.

Anonymous said...

To anonymous...thanks for answering that question on whether or not sex offenders get internet time in the prison library.

To ComicStrip: give me any word and I'll tell you which greek work it came from. Go ahead, any word. While you're thinking of one I'm going to grab a bottle of Windex. I hear it gets rid of scratches and such perhaps it can clean up the filth left by Anon.

Anonymous said...

Love your blog. Check it daily. You have a great writing style and an awesome take on life and life events. ENJOY, ENJOY, ENJOY Greece and don't give a second thought to us poor working schmucks stateside. Sniff, sniff. Do a couple things: 1) eat the best baklava you can find and 2) find out if your EL has some fine Greek guy friends and ship 'em back here!

Anonymous said...

Welcome to Greece!!!! Enjoy the sun, great food and wonderful men. Travel the islands and relax. And yes us poor schmucks are jealous as all can be--so enjoy every second you are there
P.

ab said...

My jewish brother married a greek girl (and coverted... the horrors!) The wedding was in Crete, such a beautiful country. The mountains are idyllic.

Make sure, if you haven't already, to spend time in Santorini. Besides the ruins being the most amazing thing I've ever experienced, the nightlife rivals NYC to be sure.

Enjoy!

channahboo said...

"What you eat no meat!!... It's ok I'll make lamb!"

You should stop by the holy land on your way back from Greece... to purge yourself of all the pork you've been eating :)

Great Blog!!