Thursday, December 01, 2005

Do you know what it's like to ride the New York City subway during morning rush hour? Do you?! Huh? HUH?!?! I didn't think so.

Well, let me enlighten you. About 100 people shuffle like cattle into a car and stand silently, making sure no unnecessary body or eye contact occurs.

People either read their papers, listen to their iPods, or try not to fall asleep standing up. The ONLY noise is the occasional rustle of paper as someone turns a page of the Times or the ding of the doors as they open and close at a stop.

So you can imagine my shock, my surprise, my utter astonishment when the woman standing next to me had the temerity, the audacity, the...the....CHUTZPAH! to actually start whistling in the Sacred Silence of the morning commute. Whistling a happy little ditty, with rhythm! And a decipherable tune!!!! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!?!?!!? I looked around, stunned, expecting everything to turn black and white and freeze while a man in the corner of the car looks into a camera and says, "MLIGCS doesn't realize it yet, but she has just entered....the Twilight Zone...." doodoo, doodoo....doodoo, doodoo......

I wanted to punch her in the fucking mouth. What are you, a miscreant Dwarf? Does this look like the train to Disney Land?!?! We do not whistle while we work. We DO NOT WHISTLE ON OUR WAY TO WORK. WE DO NOT WHISTLE IN THE SACRED SILENCE. The Silence, it is Sacred. To be Revered and Respected. We do not defile its sanctity with happy little tunes, with little ditties of joy and joie de vivre. There is NO JOIE DE VIVRE ON THE MORNING COMMUTE. There is only the Sacredness of the Silence. Consider yourself warned.

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

i take it the weekend wasn't fun ;)

rev. billy bob gisher ©2008 said...

so whatda i havatado to get linkswaps mobutu?

rev. billy bob gisher ©2008 said...

i am such a link slut. you are up. i will enjoy whipping by. unless i am on vacation which is rare, i try and get by forum links at least every other day if not more, and i will enjoy reading this crap, it's actually excellent writing. sniff* oh i post links in order of arrival and since i have been doing it all along, i don't want abby torqued at me again, so even though your stuff deserves a higher rung on the ladder, i hope you will forgive me.

Anonymous said...

a little bit of PMS?

Anonymous said...

Time to switch to decaf.

Unknown said...

I am with you on this one. Public transport in Britain is silent. The only occasions on which is it permissable to break this silence is in case of a fire/crash, in which case there will be a mumbled apology when one has to climb over one's neighbours.

Your subway sounds about as fun as our tube; journeys spent with one's nose pressed up against the armpits of The Great Unwashed... Ah, London...

carrotpenis said...

Just this morning I was riding on the Metra in Chicago (which is much more social than the NYC subway.) and forced another commuter get up and move because I was talking to my cohorts too loudly. I love annoying people on the train.

rev. billy bob gisher ©2008 said...

reminds me of family dinners at the holidays

rev. billy bob gisher ©2008 said...

i am so slow, i just realized there is a huge penis above my head.

(go ahead I set it up)

gotta go see this site.

Karl said...

I'm with Hannah on this. You can always spot the out of towners / tourists a mile off during rush hour - they are the ones (even without the luggage) who are talking to their fellow passenger and/or smiling.
And they wonder why there is a sitution of "Person under train" so often!

Carol Davidson said...

Maybe The Whistler just had steamy sex with her European lover.

rev. billy bob gisher ©2008 said...

so inside abby

Nature Girl said...

hmmmm That was me! Hi there! Nice to meet you! LOL...Next time I'm just gonna sing out loud....Felize navidad...or Jingle Bells...Or Make New Friends...Hmmm...How 'bout the Barney song..>I Love You YOu Love Me..we're a happy family! LOL Stacie

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NewYorkMoments said...

It's amazing that more people like that woman aren't murdered on the subway every day.