Thursday, June 08, 2006

Cooking 101

Apparently, in Greece, you are not allowed to make, cook, prepare, or eat any food other than Greek food. Because for some reason, in Greece, Greek food is the only food on earth.

God forbid you have any machinations of making, say, chicken teriyaki. Because, if you DARE to dream, they will take your dreams and pulverize them into the fine rock-ridden dirt that lines their beaches.

The supermarket does not contain a dressing or marinade isle. You know, your usual sundry items and bottles embossed with images of Paul Newman. (Of course, the supermarket sells whole, frozen octopus. Obviously, because of the huge demand.) This is done on purpose, to prevent you from even imagining that there is such a thing as chicken teriyaki. Or barbecue chicken. Or buffalo chicken. If you don't marinade your meat or chicken in lemon juice, olive oil and/or oregano, you're fucked.

And let's be serious, how is a Jewish girl from New York going to make her own teriyaki sauce?! Yes, I can pass the bar. Barely. But cooking? Not my forte. I'm from the Land of Takeout. Also known as the Land of Ordering In. Maybe, just maybe, I'll have to learn how to actually cook. Which is ridiculous. It's taken me years to master drinking. Imagine the effort to learn how to cook?!

3 comments:

Eri said...

Ooooh, could be time to call that sister of yours and demand a proper care package that includes Asian marinades and anything else you can't get on the shelf at your current location. As for the fear of cooking part, as long as the chicken isn't pink on the inside anymore, you're good. You're on your own about the steamed rice, though, since I screw that up half the time I do it.

Good luck and happy eating!

Shalom,
Eri

James Cooper said...

The first step in learning how to cook is to burn everything. Then gradually you stop burning things as much and start producing edible, then delectable things.

I'm still in a transitional stage.

Jack Burden said...

Cooking tips from a bachelor:

1) Cereal
2) Frozen waffles
3) Soup

That is all.