So, I'm not exactly Florence Nightingale. I barely have the patience to take care of myself, much less a 200 pound five year old masquerading as an adult.
See, my boyfriend was in a terrible car accident last Saturday. (He was on the shoulder of the highway, under the hood of his car fixing something, and was rear-ended by an 18-wheeler) Luckily, he managed to get away with only three stitches and a broken right foot.
Thing is, he's been home, in bed with that broken foot for the past week and a half. And it's been a week of "Honey, could you please bring me/get me/put for me/take for me/make for me/fix for me......" and I'm starting to think maybe I should go find that truck driver and ask him to finish the job.
It's not like he can't get around on his crutches, or go out and take care of errands when someone drives him, or isn't capable of making something to eat when we have an argument and he's not speaking with me.
But he prefers to lay in bed and ask, very prettily, for whatever it is that strikes his fancy. And the food orders?! "Um, I'll have two eggs over easy, and some sausage, but cut up this time, and home-made french fries, and toast with coffee, but filter coffee, and make sure you put enough sugar this time."
HOME-MADE FRENCH FRIES?!?! What am I in the army? Standing around peeling potatoes and deep frying them in the middle of the day for just ONE of his meals?!
Getting hit by a truck is nothing compared to what I'm capable of.
Or the, "What fruits do we have?" "We have apples, oranges, bananas and grapes." "Oh good, can you make me a fruit salad please?"
Fruit salad? FRUIT SALAD? Am I in the geriatric wing of the apartment? You want me to peel and chop fruits into bite-sized pieces for you? Do I look like June Cleaver? Has any part of my personality given you the impression that I'm NOT the type of woman who will put razor blades in your food if you piss me off?
Or the, "Can you get me a beer?" And then, the food arrives. "Um, honey, did you forget my coke? You know I only drink coke when I'm eating." And then, once we're finished eating, with the coke and the beer STILL ON THE TABLE, "Um, honey, can you please get me some water? I only drink coke with food you know, and I don't feel like more beer."
I will sodomize you with the broken end of the beer bottle if you ask me for one more thing.
I won't even get into the fact that there are people here four to five nights a week that I get to cater to as well. Of course, I think he has them here because he knows after an entire day of fetching, I'm closer to killing him at night. A buffer if you will. Like I've ever let the notion of witnesses stop me.
And if anyone dares write me a comment complaining that I should have more compassion and all that crap, then I hope your spouse gets hit by a truck and then we'll see whose significant other dies of "complications" first.
9 comments:
If there was ever a dude who needed one of those little dorm fridges next to the bed.... ;) Instead of saying you need more compassion, I'd like to give you kudos for not making the fruit salad and then dumping it over his head and saying "Oh I'm sorry I thought you'd enjoy it more if it was flavored with a bit of lazy ass." :)
OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING TO YOU? Why is the boyfriend turning you into a Stepford wife? The knitting in the previous blog was bad enough, but FRUIT SALAD? BREAKFAST ORDERS? WTF? I'm going to catch a plane to Greece and break the boyfriend's other foot if he keeps this up.
Um, hello?! The thing that's happening to her is called "real life". Excuse me for stating the obvious, but your boyfriend is in pain. He needs your help. If you have issues about providing help, then maybe you should find a new relationship. I have no idea what world you live in, but usually people in a loving relationship HELP each other out. Maybe you're not Betty Crocker, but come on, making home made fries is not a big deal. Neither is fruit salad. In fact, cooking for someone you love is a great way to show them how much you care. Instead of making snide comments about your boyfriend, try being a little less selfish and just enjoy the fact that you have been given a great opportunity to see Europe with someone you "love". I really think that you should just become a recluse and live somewhere very, very far away from other people because it's gotta' suck to be so pissed off all the time.
Anonymous,
Um, hello?! you are obviously stuck in the 1950's.
Dear Anonymous,
So not stuck in the 1950's. Just able to realize that there is more to life than having temper tantrums & being completely self-absorbed. As the author is in her 30's, is it too much for her boyfriend to ask that she do a few things for him whilst he is recovering from being hit by a truck? Plus, if the shoe where on the other foot, I'm sure that he would be forced to dance to the beat of her drum anyway. In fact, I'm sure he probably has to do that no matter what. I feel sorry for the poor guy, that's all. And I don't think it's hard to give him some COMPASSION. If you can gripe about making a quick fruit salad etc., for someone who has gone through an horrific accident, then perhaps your time is wasted in Greece & you should make a quick exit plan.
You may not be ready for marriage because marriage is about all these daaily hassles. In the meantime just enjoy the sex
A pillow over his face while he is sleeping could work. That or you could quit enabling the whole thing and leave until he heals.
FRUIT SALAD? Look, I'll come over there and kill him for you. That way you're off the hook, and who would suspect me? People will assume I was here the whole time, trying to kill my own husband.
i think, as a doctor, I can confirm you're a truly BAD PERSON.
there. done.
i'm not really anonymous. i have a beta account which won't let me post here under my blogger id. sorry. you won't be able to hate me back :-)
ro hunter.
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