Monday, September 19, 2005

My Life Goes From Sucks to Blows

Once upon a time, not very long ago, there was a certain neurosurgeon that I was madly and painfully in love with. Not real love, of course, because adulation, worship and a lack of spinal column equate to more of a, "I'm so infatuated with you that I'm going to make a total ass out of myself until you get disgusted by my undignified behavior and leave me" kind of love.

The kind where he says "jump," and I say, "I'm already in the air." Sad, sad but oh so true.

We dated briefly; gave it two tries in six months. And it's been about six months since I last saw him. I think about him sometimes, and I say to myself, "Why couldn't he just like me? If he liked me, and we were together, it would have been perfect." And then I try to get a hold myself and stop acting like such a desperate pussy-ass girl.

I also think about him when I bump into random people I know, and wish it was him instead of them. Yes, there is no limit to how pathetic I can be. No, there are not enough help groups in the world to save me.

Last week he was on my mind again, but this time, I thought, "Wow, I think I'm totally over him finally. Must be this new guy I'm spending time with. Why bother with the idea of someone, when you have a real live person caring about you."

But who the hell am I kidding?! I mean, the title of the damn blog is "My Life is God's Comic Strip" and based on prior experiences, we all know this healthy attitude and clear-minded state of affairs can't last.

Saturday, while spending time with this new guy, who happens to be AMAZING, I think to call one of my friends to make plans for the evening. Turns out she has plans with a new friend, who is bringing some of his pals out with them. And she hesitates and says, "I don't want to ruin your weekend," but I'm in such a good mood, I'm thinking nothing can ruin my weekend. Until she tells me that one of the pals coming out is the neurosurgeon.

"What?! WHAT?!?!?!?! You're going out with the NEUROSURGEON? MYYYYYY NEUROSURGEON?!?!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't know. It's such a weird coincidence."

"Listen to me, and listen to me good. You are going to bring me up in conversation somehow, and you are GOING TO MAKE ME SOUND LIKE A GODDAMNED ROCKSTAR. I am nothing short of AMAZING, WONDERFUL AND LIVING IT UP. If he doesn't say he knows me, you offer to set us up because I'm SO FUCKING GREAT. If he says he knows me, you act like he's OUT OF HIS MIND FOR LETTING ME GO. DO. YOU. UNDERSTAND?"

Baby steps, people. Baby steps.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Neurosurgeon or no neurosurgeon, you are a rockstar, darlin'!

Anonymous said...

Could be worse, my friend. Your neurosurgeon could have a blog and be writing about the girl who he's smitten with but for some unexplainable reason, doesn't like him. That would REALLY suck. Trust me...I know.

Anonymous said...

Aww. He's probably already figured out how dumb he was to let you go anyway, I'm sure. :)

Photominer said...

I bet he is. Hi! Sorry I haven't been by in so long (I clicked your google ads to make up for it, how's that?).

Anonymous said...

Stop obsessing over something that wasn't meant to be. You're not being fair to your new bf, and you are not being fair to yourself.

Let go and enjoy who you are with now.

...At least you didn't commit my stupidity. You don't have to work with the person and watch them love someone else on a day to day basis.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha. Living well is the best revenge, and if that's not possible, a creative and loyal friend/storyteller is just as good. :D

j (inlucesco.com)

Jack Burden said...

You forgot to include, "...or I'll kill you, bitch!"

That's a very important step in getting friends to set you up.