That's it. Someone give me the check. I'm officially TIRED of working and have decided that I want to be a rich housewife. I really do. No joke.
I've been working since I was 14. Everything from a factory line (yes, I wore a hair net. Oh sod-off, I needed the money) to busing tables, waitressing, hostessing, telemarketing, receptionist, real estate agent, working in a law library and working in a collection agency, all before I even graduated from college.
And now, NOW, I'm a lawyer. Um, no thanks. People say, "What the hell is the matter with you? You have a great job, make lots of money, you have a degree, totally self-sufficient, and you're bitching?" The answer to that, dear readers, is YES. YES, I'm bitching.
I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but just about ANYONE can become a lawyer. I actually saw an orangutan in court last week making oral argument.
And, I don't want to account for every six minutes of my day anymore, because that's what lawyers have to do. We bill our time in 1/10 increments of an hour. All day. Until we reach a minimum of 8 hours. Please, even the orangutan hates that.
Yes I'm ready to give up working with Mr. Keeps Calling Me To His Office For No Reason Other Than To Check Out My Ass In My Pencil Skirt As I Walk Out Even Though He Could Have Just Called Me Or Emailed Me What He Wanted To Say But Instead Decided To Make Me Go To Him Because He's a Perv Partner With An Ego Problem And A Small Penis Who Is Eating Away At My Six Minute Intervals of Billing Time To Have Tug-Vault Material For When He Has To Bang His Fat, Pampered Wife In The Ass Tonight.
I want someone else to worry about the mortgage payments. I'll worry about the cooking and cleaning. I want to wake up in the morning, make a cup of coffee, watch the news and read the paper. In an ugly bathrobe. Ok, the bathrobe doesn't have to be ugly, but really, I'm not picky. Maybe take Italian lessons, read some books that don't use words like, heretofore, aforementioned, party of the first part and party of the second part, and party of the part that makes me want to kill all the parties involved.
I know the feminists will be all, "women's rights," and "equal pay for equal work" and "hey someone give me a lighter so I can burn this bra" (you're not burning my $40 Victoria's Secret bra, bitch), but I don't care. I'm tired of working like a man.
So yeah, I'm ready to give up the glam life of 14 hour days, crowded subways, miserable people, paper pushing, and "fifty-eight, fifty-nine, sixty, that's six minutes, phew," for the exciting world of being a housewife. Or even a waitress on some island. I'll wear flip-flops and serve drinks from a hut all day. I don't care. As long as I don't have to trudge to the office. Who's in? First round is on me.
18 comments:
I hear you and I'm buying the 2nd round
NVA
Oh ya, beat this:
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Love ya!
Go marry a Greek god or something and make sure he has a younger brother...;)
One female lawyer to another -- I am so with you on this . . . if I have to bill another six minute interval I may actually and literally die.
I'm in! (Can I bill for this?)
Being a housewife is FABULOUS...for the first six months. Then you get REALLY BORED. You realize that you're daytime TV choices center around (1) The questionable paternity of sterling examples of selected samples of White Trash (The Maury Show) (2) Transvestites - and the Women who LOVE them (Jerry Springer) (3) The "Why You're Life Sucks and Why You MUST IMMEDIATELY Buy My New Book To Make It All Better" Show (Dr. Phil) (4) Selected Lower Income Families Who Are Mostly God-Fearing But Like To Sue The Hell Out of Each Other Anyway (The People's Court, Divorce Court, The Show with the Really Attractive Judge whose Name I Can't Remember).
You also miss the paycheck and can't buy yourself all the fancy bibelots that make life so amusing and enjoyable! Cooking isn't all that it's cracked up to be either. The inequity of a single paycheck household and the newly discovered intimacy with your husband's wash is also a downer.
P.S. I'm surprised you have to bill in 6 minute intervals, we were always told to bill in 15 minute intervals. I hope that's legal...
Seriously... I'm halfway through my MA... And I learn that it'd be better to jack this all in for a rich husband now?!
I agree with you. Working so much/ so long is no fun. It seems like I've worked forever too.... all through college and many many weekends "to build a career". I've finally realized that my manager is an asshole. I can't imagine why I've worked for the bastard for this long. I'm quitting at the end of the year and taking a well deserved vacation. After that I'm going to find something more exciting. It's hard not to work when your single with a mortgage.
I dunno, I rather like the feeling of importance that comes with being needed at work. But then, I've always been weird. I'd rather have a job I love than a man I love, and I KNOW that's something that I'm going to need a therapist for in the future.
HOWEVER...
My friend decided to exit the little wheel in the cage that some of us call our jobs to raise her 3 small children. Oh. My. God. The number of times she has been asked "How can you find that fulfilling?" is beyond shocking.
I think the bra-burners wanted us to have the CHOICE, not to be made to feel inadequate regardless of the path we choose. But then again, I've been wrong before.
A dear friend of mine once said "If you marry for money you'll earn it"
Two words. Lot. Tery.
I'm with you halfway.
I, too, want to stop working. But I don't want to do the cooking and cleaning. Oh, and I don't want to give up my salary, either.
I'm working out the details of this now. I'll keep you posted.
I'v had it both ways..(not a career, but a job,) and after "the honeymoon is over" so to speak they each get boring and mundane. Right now I am working, but if I leave I know in about 6 months I will be going nuts again and want to work. Good luck. Stacie
First, good to have you back. Great posts lately. Second, how do you get these people who don't know to read and comment on your blog?????
I sometimes wish that I could be the house husband. It is not going to happen, but it might be a nice change for a couple of months or so.
Grass is always greener and all that stuff.
What a great idea! I'll quit my job and marry someone rich!
Truly, she has a dizzying intellect.
The welthy people seem to allways be the most discontent people, wonder how Bill Gates feels?
Sister, at least you've figured it out at a young age!
Only a rotation of rich husbands would be better. I'm ready for that island too.
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