Friday, September 08, 2006

Evolution

So, my office stalker and I are slowly but surely leaving the harassing, oh my god I need a shower after what he just said relationship and are entering much friendlier ground.

At first, when I told him I'm in a relationship, he really didn't seem to care and couldn't understand how I wasn't feeling this "connection" between us. He kept trying to convince me that something is "there" and I'm just too shy to admit my true feelings.

He would also try to stand uncomfortably close to me, with the obvious purpose of having some part of his body touch some part of my body, but still pretend that it was an accident.

So I basically told him that if the world were flooded in urine, and he was the last person alive hanging on to the last standing tree, I wouldn't touch him in order to save myself from drowning. He's slowly getting it.

The thing is, he doesn't really want me. He just wants what he wants, and he's peeved he's not getting immediate satisfaction. He's currently dating at least four women and meets new women everyday (internet dating sites - not like shooting fish in a barrel, more like nuking fish in a barrel).

He tells me stories about the girls he meets and dates. I know he's not lying because everything sounds suspiciously similar to my own painful internet dating experiences, except this time, I'm seeing it from the male perspective. Which, I must say, is information I really could have used WHEN I WAS GETTING PLAYED.

Once in a while, in the middle of his date rotation recap of women for the weekend, "Stacy on Friday at 8, Judy at 10, Melanie on Saturday for coffee, Jessica for dinner, and a brunch with Amy on Sunday....." he'll stop, and look at me intently, and exclaim, "How can you possibly not want me?"

To which I can only respond, "I don't know, but you're getting harder and harder to resist."

8 comments:

Hannah said...

Hmm... The "so far out of your league, we're playing different sports" line comes to mind...

Chris said...

Why do I picture the office stalker as looking like that creepy guy on the Verizon commercial where our herione "Susan" pretends that she has missed all 12 of his calls after their date?

Great entry. Here via BlogExplosion. Nice blog. Will be back for more!

Chris
My Blog

Jack Burden said...

Wait, wait, wait... internet dating sites, as easy as shooting/nuking fish in a barrel? WTF? I've had the worst freakin' luck with online dating. Not in terms of the people I meet, but in terms of getting a response. What the hell?

Or maybe I should try a way of introducing myself online other than pornographic haikus... hmm...

Grins said...

The next time he asks that reply "Because you keep talking?"

Anonymous said...

you are obviously encouraging him-you must ignore him

Anonymous said...

Your a ho, plain and simple. Thats why he feels he can speak to you this way. It's the way you come off and conduct yourself.

carrotpenis said...

First, welcome back from Greece. I've obviously been slacking in my reading because it took me about 20 minutes to catch up. How could you possibly ignore the guy that gives you this much hilarious fodder to write about? Perhaps you could start making plans with him and then standing him up. That will go over like gang busters.

Lostcheerio said...

Wow you actually said the drowning-in-urine thing? Awesome for you! That must have felt good.