Monday, May 23, 2005

Come Here

Okay, so I'm a bitch. Well, only sort of. You see, he had a bottle of white already chilled in the fridge depending on whether I wanted red or white. And he bought a few different types of cheese, including something spicy, because I told him I like spicy food. And he even got fruit (fruit!), and crackers, and fancy bread. Oh, and olives, yummy Greek olives. And he was ready on time. And even though rain was predicted, the weather was idyllic. It was perfect, fluffy white clouds, sun, warm air, no humidity. Just perfect. I've never thrown a football, but we brought it anyway, because I'm a fast learner (and my clumsiness will only endear me to him).

After three-quarters of the bottle, some cheese, some laughing, and some football tossing (which I'm pretty good at apparently), we were lazing about on the blanket, teasing each other about something. He was leaning back on his elbows, with his knees up, and I was casually leaning on one of his knees.

And then he said "Come here." And I froze. Because now he wanted to kiss me, but he wanted me to physically move my body, my head, and my lips towards his for our first kiss. And I couldn't. So I made some dumb joke about "not in front of the kids" meaning the ones on the blanket 10 feet away from us, blushed furiously, and told him I'm uncomfortable with public displays of affection.

See, I hate the "come here" for a first kiss. I was on the fence with the guy, not sure if I was attracted to him or not. But the minute I heard those words, I jumped off that fence to the opposite side of where he was. The "come here" puts the power in my hands, and gives me time to think before acting. If I'm on the fence and I have to think about whether to kiss a guy or not, then I'm just not going to kiss him. And painful awkwardness ensues. The "come here" forces me to be the physical aggressor, and although I have a big mouth and a pretty healthy confidence level, I'm not comfortable doing that initially. Most women aren't. Unless the chemistry is palpable (and it rarely is) then I'm not doing the kissing.

I almost said, "No, you want to kiss me. YOU come here." It's like when someone calls your house and asks "who is this?" without identifying themselves. "Um, well, you're calling my house, who are you?"

I think that if a man wants to kiss a woman for the first time, he should just kiss her. He should maneuver himself in such a way that he can cradle her face in his hands and lean in for a kiss. He shouldn't ask for permission (for the love of god, just kill yourself if you have to ask for permission) and he shouldn't be directing her to do anything either, including "come here."

I'm not a romantic, I'm really not. The number of times I've burst out laughing while some idiot was professing poetic images of his feelings are many; I have no qualms about telling a guy to get a hold of himself if he gets mushy too early. And I'm not looking for the Eiffel Tower and fireworks as a backdrop to a first kiss, but even jaded girls like me would like a guy who at least takes the first step, who makes the move to initiate physical intimacy. And the move does not include verbal directions.

Next!

18 comments:

Fuzzball said...

I agree I agree I agree I AGREE!

Kudos to you. Man, I hate that "Who is this?" telephone stuff too. Grrrr...

Anonymous said...

for the love of GOD, where the hell do you find them...

GQ1NYC said...

I agree, not a smooth move by him, but I think if you would have really wanted him to kiss you he would have known. I think he may have had an ego and thought he was being Macho in the process. Well good luck with the next one.

Anonymous said...

Put the lotion in the bucket!!!

LJ said...

"Come here"? What the hell is that? Just go for it, man. I totally agree. Ugh.

Red Mum said...

I also hate the big questions put to you by partners/lovers, things like 'where would you like us to be?'

If you want to know something like that, have the b*lls to says something like 'I see us growing old, what about you?' or 'I'm only here for the sex, what about you?'

I have no problem with being asked 'big' questions but I do have a problem being put in the spotlight first...

Layne said...

He was probably pretty aware of your 'on the fence'ness. I'd rather hear "come here" than have some guy I'm not positive about slopping one right on my mouth just because my face happens to be tilted up to see the night sky.

Girl, you're looking for a gamma in a world of betas and counterfeit alphas.

Layne said...

PS, that whole "who is this" thing chaps me too. Especially when it is some kid calling for one of mine. Grr, totally ruins the 'cool mommy' vibe I work so hard to maintain.

landismom said...

I only like "come here" if it's followed by someone dragging me into a bedroom.

GlitterGlamGirl05 said...

I agree with landismom - if he wanted to kiss you he should have leaned into you and just done it already instead of talking.

spawn of satan said...

maybe your gay? its a possibility...i mean its what ive been telling grandma and grandpa to keep them off my back.

Anne said...

Well, kisses on the first date - isn't that kind of pushing things? Guess I'm seriously old-fashioned. And, "come here" sounds bossy to me. Bossy is ok as a joke when you know each other well, but on a first date, I'd wonder if that was a flaw.

OK, again feeling lucky that I'm not in this dating scene. I'm obviously not suited to it!

ScottS said...

The first kiss should not be at the end of a date and especially not after any discussion about said kiss. The first kiss should be taken when she least expects it. As she is telling some story about how her friend was on a date and, she hated him and... KISS. Right then, with words still in her throat. That is when you kiss her, fingers gliding up her cheeks until your fingertips are under her ears. Your thumbs grazing her neck....The first kiss must be taken, not requested. But that's just me....

Deity said...

My rule is, no kiss on the first date. No matter how much I like him. Because if it works, you'll see him again. If not, at least you won't have to feel horrible about it, like "ohmygod i can't believe i kissed him how stupid of me!" Was so thankful for that rule, sooo many times.

Another taboo, questions like "How do you like me so far?" or "what is your impression of me?" Out, NEXT!

Eri said...

Something tells me you should ammend your Match.com profile and say that anyone who pulls the "come here, baby" bit gets thrown into the nearest body of water. We've got aligators to make that threat fun down here, but I don't know if you have anything comparable in New York.

Good luck!

--Eri

Saturn said...

Hmmm, from reading all these comments I guess I'm the oddball here, unless it's just a "man" thing, because if I'm with a man that I'm attracted to and he tells me to come here forcefully, my knees are buckling and I'm saying yes sir! Now, if I wasn't into him or he said it in a feeble way, I'd just say "for what?" in my most sarcastic tone. Now that I think about it, what would be even sexier is if he gazed into my eyes, said deeply, "come here", and before I could even respond grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me into a forceful steamy kiss that shattered all pretense. But you're completely right about the "who's this" phenomenon. If I'm having a good day I simply answer in the worst possible accent, "this is Antonio Sanchez, Latin Sex God!" :-)

Jack Burden said...

I agree with your basic premise, that it was a dumb thing for the guy to do - though I have a lot of problem with most dating "rules," if the guy wants the first kiss, he's gotta go for it.

But it seems like you're overlooking the possiblity that he may have been trying to cover up his own feeling of awkwardness (he may have picked up on you being on the fence) while being saucy at the same time.

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