Hi Mom. What's up?
Nothing, just called to say hello. See how you are.
I'm fine. Anything new in the last nine minutes since I've talked to you?
No, nothing new, I just forgot to tell you that I saw your ex the other day. Out with his mom of course.
Yes, but he looked terrible. I mean, really bad. He lost a lot of weight, and he was wearing this tight sweater that showed off all of these muscles. He looked gay, like one of those metrosexuals. Just terrible. Yuck.
(Slight pause) Let me get this straight. You called to tell me that he lost all the weight he gained after we got married and now his muscles are bulging out of his clothes? You called to tell me he looks like the well maintained men that take care of their appearance to the point where they look as good as gay men? You actually called to TELL ME THIS?!?!
Okay Mom, I'm going to get off the phone now. And I'm going to call the phone company to change my number so that you can NEVER CALL ME AGAIN.