Thursday, June 02, 2005

Yes, the Joke is ALWAYS on Me

I met a boy. He makes my socks roll up and down and little hearts come out of my eyes. I'm so used to being disappointed by the guys I meet, I'm not quite sure what to do with this new emotion.

Of course, there has to be a hitch in all of this. You didn't think that I would be able to find someone that I both liked and lusted after without some sort of cosmic ass-fuck (non-lubed). After dating every single eligible Jewish male between the ages of 30 and 42 in the tri-state area, I find a totally awesome Catholic transplant from Michigan. Yes, he's anything but Jewish. He's tall, he's blond, he has these piercing green eyes that can see right through you, and I believe you could grate cheese on his abs. *Deep sigh* God bless the goys.

He asked me the other day about meeting the parents and how soon that would happen depending on how well things go between us. I told him he had a better chance of meeting the Easter Bunny. He offered to convert. I offered to try to make it to a fifth date before we start changing religions. Hell, maybe even have sex before we attempt to torture each other with our respective families. (ahhh, sex....I need a minute, or ten.......................)

I'm just going to tell my mom his name is Shlomo. Shlomo Hiemowitzberg. What? You've never seen a six foot Jew? Well, now you have mom. Deal.

5 comments:

B. said...

You had me at hello... you had me at hello.

GQ1NYC said...

It worked in Good Fellas, "Only the good half"

Helen said...

Maybe you could ease into the family meeting slowly. Talk to you folks about respect for other religions, freedom of choice, etc. Perhaps they'll learn that you're happiness, above all else, it what is important.
Peace...............

LJ said...

I had to laugh at Helen's comment - reasoning with your family about religion is impossible. But wow, he's already talking about converting and you haven't even had sex yet? Amazing. After all of your horrible dates, I am very happy you met a guy who you like so much. Besides, who can resist those Catholic boys from Michigan? I sure can't.

Kiki said...

this guy sounds like a winner - hey he's offering to convert. Hold on tight to this guy.....the family will come around - after all your happiness is what they want, right?