Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Rocket Science

Okay people, here's a basic lesson in mathematics. If everyone stands at the doors of the subway train (effectively blocking egress and ingress), but do not move the fuck into the middle of the practically empty subway car, how many less people will be able to ride the subway on any given day? Take your time.......No really, this is obviously a difficult conceptual problem for my fellow subway riders, they obviously need MORE time to figure it out since they haven't figured it out by this morning, which I'm sure is NOT the first (or even tenth) time they've ridden the subway.

Here's a crazy idea: MOVE INTO THE FUCKING TRAIN YOU FUCKING LAZY SMELLY OAF! Do it so that I don't have to jab you in the ribs to make you move. Because I will! Oh yes, make no mistake. Just because you're listening to your stupid iPod doesn't mean you can just stand there ignoring everything going on around you. Next time I will choke you with the headphones. You're lucky I wore my flip flops to commute this morning, otherwise your shins would have gotten a beating too!

Into the car, people. Move INTO the damn car. So that others can get on and off. I'm amazed this city isn't under water yet.

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Um Ma'am, shouldn't you be doing work at your new job???

GQ1NYC said...

I used to commute to mid-town all the time and Hated taking the subway all the time. Summer times were the worst as people some how forgot that deoderant was needed during the hot months. What's that? you haven't eaten and need a quarter? What? No I don't need any batters or Gum. Wait Yeah give me AA's. Hey Asshole, give your seat for the pregnant lady Please.

Just typical Train ride thoughts I used to deal with. Thank god I don't work in the city anymore and I drive to work. I got a new set of Assholes to curse out now. Move the light is Fucken Green!!!!!

Anonymous said...

After all that great sex with Heinrich, how come you're not nicer?

Layne said...

Too bad you all don't have any of the subway despots like in DC. You can't eat, drink, listen to music loud enough for others to hear, or otherwise make a nuisance of yourself without getting a ticket. A real ticket that actually costs money.

Save your Blahnik heels! Don't risk breaking one off in the shin of an imbecile who won't even realize the gem it is.

sweetpea23 said...

the idiots you speak of have cousins here in the midwest...and i encounter them ALL as my car and I forge our way thru, trying to get to work each morning. for instance, today i was behind some old female suit in a Mitsubishi Diamante or some shit like that, and she felt the need to merge onto the interstate, get all the way into the left lane, and then drive approx 70 mph. NICE LADY.
wtf?!

carrotpenis said...

I can sympathize with you. When I get off at my work stop from the train, the people getting on pack up around the stairs and don't let you get off the train. It drives me fucking nuts; they can't get on until I get off. I usually just walk through them without turning aside with my bag off my shoulder. I almost knocked some little woman down recently.

Neil said...

Interesting post, but the thing I focused on the most was -- you were wearing flip-flops in the subway? I know it's summer and all, and you may be fantasizing about sex on the beach in Cancun with that new amazing boyfriend of yours, but for godsakes, I've seen people urinating at subway stops! I hope you're washing your feet when you get home.

Terry said...

Back in my subway days if someone didn't move, I'd just breathe heavily on them. As a rule my mid-afternoon snack was bbq chips and coffee. Aromatic combo...

GlitterGlamGirl05 said...

It's exactly the same way in Boston too!

BitchFestivus said...

Do these dolts give you the same slack-jawed, open-mouthed, blank look as the ones here on Chicago's El do when you ask them to move back?