Monday, June 13, 2005


So today I started work at a new firm. I left my old one *deep sigh* for a 35% pay increase and more responsibility. KICK. ASS.

Apparently there are no single men at this firm either, although I subscribe to the adage "don't shit where you eat" or "don't eat your shit" or something along those lines.

I'll miss the Ambassador to Evil, and I'll miss sexually harassing all of my co-workers with porn clips and inappropriate displays of affection, but I'm sure I'll find other men here to harass. There was one partner, a good friend of mine, who is pretty square and straight laced, so of course, I would go running into his office and sit on his lap. Or I would walk in, turn around, grab my ass and ask whether what I was wearing made my ass look good. God help him if I was wearing anything that showed cleavage....But his impending break-down has nothing to do with me. I swear. Well, maybe a little.

And it has been quite eventfull with the Goy, we'll call him Heinrich, because it seems oh-so-appropriate. He met the Spawn of Satan and my uncle and his wife. I even went so far as to hide my profile on Match.Hell. I'm such a fucking pussy-ass girl. But I was getting emails from good guys that I really don't want to date right now, so I figured I would hide my profile, stop getting emails, and these guys won't think I'm a bitch for not responding. And when I finally blow things with Heinrich - because I'm such a fucking pussy-ass girl - I can always sign back on and start fresh. See? I'm always thinking ahead.

I'm off to try and fool these guys into thinking I'm a capable attorney.


Neil said...

Congrats on your move to the new firm. I would think with the 35% more money, you can come up with tons of creative and elaborate ways to torment your new co-workers. Isn't that what making money is all about -- spending it on important hobbies?

Terry said...

Congratulations on the new gig! I missed the post about your new guy/goy, you're taking a page from my wife's book (she's Jewish and I'm not). Good luck!

Sarah said...

Um, how do your 'real' friends send you mazel tov if we don't have your new email address?? Changing firms without telling me? Sounds suspiciously like you are trying to ditch me for some grey-haired guy!

xoxo please write soon Sarah

LJ said...

Congrats on the new gig! I agree with (and had to laugh at) Neil's comment. I'm sure you'll find some way to harass the new coworkers. Also? The Goy is meeting parts of the family, eh? Sounds promising. And no, you won't cock it up. We are ALLOWED to be pussy-ass girls.

carrotpenis said...

Congrats on the new firm. Remember, no matter where you go there will always be stupid people to make fun of. Human nature is great like that.