It was a sneak-attack bachelor party. "I'm going away for a female friends' wedding, I'll only be gone for three days...." turns into, "Hey baby, what's up?! I just called to say hello, but I gotta run! Going out with the Groom and a bunch of guys right now! Yeah, its the bachelor party! (guys' loud, excited, somewhat drunk voices in the background, calling out to each other) There'll be lots of drinking! But no funny stuff, the groom is not that kind of guy."
On the inside: The groom is not what kind of guy? The kind of guy that likes to go out and drink? Not the kind of guy that enjoys sex? Not the kind of guy that's attracted to women? Not the kind of guy that's out for his last hoorah? Oh, so the groom is either GAY or a EUNUCH. OR, more appropriately, you think I'm a MORON.
Lurid images floated through my head of things good friends have told me, have warned me about that go on at bachelor parties. Wonderful fathers and loving husbands turn into maniacs, boyfriends and fiances wouldn't recognize their partners if she's the one that jumped out of the cake and into their laps (or was the girl shooting hard-boiled eggs out of her...well, you get the picture). Unless the bachelor party involves a day of golf, camping, or sequestering on a fishing boat, I was warned NOT to trust anything I heard, and to be very very wary.
This is the sort of situation that makes me want to go out and have sex with someone else. Get-back-at-him-for-going-to-a-sneak-attack-bachelor-party-and-doing-god-knows-what-sex.
Yes, yes, very small minded and petty. But please PLEASE spare me the whole trust speech. That's crap. And you know it. Put a man in any situation where he can't get caught and the object of the evening is to get drunk, whoop it up, and have a last hoorah as a single man, and booze, women, illicit behavior, and penetration of some sort will take place. Especially in a place where prostitution is legal, and they have a very casual, Amsterdam-type attitude towards it.
He heard the surprise in my voice (um, maybe because it was the sneak-attack bachelor party!?), and told me to call him every five minutes if I wanted to, you know, just to prove to me that he's trustworthy. Of course, I couldn't let him see how much this bothered me, so I laughed, and told him to go out and have a great time with the boys. I told him of course I'm not going to call because I don't want to interrupt him while he's out, and that if in the next few days, he has a minute in between the wedding festivities, to give me a call if he wants to chat.
And then I hung up, and went through a mental roster of men that would be available for a night out, you know, drinking, whooping it up, maybe a last hoorah. And quickly discarded the idea because I know I wouldn't have the guts to do anything, even if I wanted to.
I hate this about myself. I hate that something like a sneak-attack bachelor party can make me suddenly feel like the ground disappeared from under my feet. I don't understand the weakness, the insecurity, I don't know where it comes from, or why it's so overwhelming. I hate that he could hear the surprise and fear in my voice, even when I tried to cover it up. And I hate that he offered for me to call him "every five minutes" because it made me feel humiliated and small and patronized. "Aawww, don't wowy wittle girw, you pathetic little insecure girl, if it'll make your booboo hurt less, you can call me whenever you want..." Like he's taking pity on me even though a rational mind understands that he's just trying to alleviate my concerns by making himself available to me.
So now I have to make an adult decision: Do I act like a normal person and just let this go? Or do I act like a neurotic wack-job, and become withdrawn, and play the passive-aggressive get-both-of-you-nowhere-fast, shoulder-shrug, nothing's-wrong game?
I think I will attempt (I said attempt, I can't make any promises) to behave like an adult, and keep the passive-aggressive, nothing's-wrong shtick to a minimum.
Maybe behaving like an adult will enable me to actually have the semblance of an adult-ish relationship. That, and letting go of the woobie.
10 comments:
Nah, don't be an adult. I say go with the neurotic wack-job routine so you can blog about it and then I can have something to read the next few days (yes, I'm selfish).
If it's possible, do the adult thing. Naughtiness is going to happen, yes. But every bachelor party I've either attended or heard about was mostly about guys drinking, slapping each other on the back, and saying "Remember when..." Strippers were there more because it's expected for a bachelor party, as opposed to the desperate male behavior that you see in strip clubs.
In other words, "penetration of some sort" is far, far from a guarantee. I can see why you think it, but I'm afraid to say that most guys are either a) too tame, or b) get drunk too quickly.
That being said, I say go ahead and go whack-job on him. Surprise bachelor party my ass. Break into his apartment while he's gone and cover every inch of his walls with pictures of you.
...it's just a bachelor party...He'll be too drunk to do anything and too embarassed to let anything happen that his friends could use against him. Why worry? (and I'm a female saying this...)
I think your attempt at "adult behavior" is admirable. I'm sure you can do it. And I do have to agree with jack. Most of the bachelor party stories I've heard about from my male friends (who have no reason to lie because they like to tell me when either they or their buddies banged some hot chick) are tame to the point of being LAME. Too much booze makes penetration not possible.
bachelor parties are everything that you heard about or then it is just a bunch of guys hanging out
This kind of shit is just typical of men. And why wasn't it mentioned before. Hmmmm...I guess I just can't trust men.
Behave in an adult manner and he'll hopefully learn that he could have trusted you before going to the bachelor party, rather than springing the fact on you when you could no longer influence the decision or give any real input. These are relationship growing pains. But, if he does it again, dump the guy.
I have been to plenty of bach.parties, and me and my friends are all in rock bands or rich, and therefore we're crazy partiers, and I have NEVER seen anything penetrate anyone.
I have LOOKED at boobies but not touched them, same as the grooms.
All the stories you have heard were BS, from guys who want everyone to think that the party they were at was like all the ones they have heard about, but never been to.
Envy, 'me too', studly postering, but it's all BS.
Guys in love are just as capable of respecting their mate as their mate deserves, so grow up and be cool.
Since it's the wedding of his female friend, maybe he didn't expect to be included in the bachelor festivities... maybe it really was a last-minute plan.
I've always heard that the actual event never lives up to the anticipation.
My two cents is that if he were really wanting to hide something, the last thing he would have done would be to call you and tell you what he was doing.
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