There's a guy at my office whose wife just had a baby. He stands outside my office, everyday, talking to the secretaries, everyday, about his baby, everyday.
If I could, I would stab him in the eye with a letter opener. It's one thing to be a proud father, it's another thing to assume anyone gives more than a five minute shit that you just had a baby.
Your wife has not achieved some amazing feat. Your child probably has nothing to do with the Second Coming. The fact that the baby cries and sleeps DOES NOT MAKE IT REMARKABLE, and, IT DOES NOT MAKE YOUR STORIES INTERESTING.
The eight billion pictures you pull out today are no different than the eight billion you pulled out yesterday, save for the yellow bunny blanket. Here's a hint. Adults don't give a fuck about yellow bunny blankets unless someone is either trying to suffocate them with one, or shove it up their asses without invitation.
I don't understand people who offer you information about their children when all you were trying to do was be polite by asking how the baby is. This should not be perceived as an invitation to present a dissertation on baby formula.
And you know what else he does? Whenever one of the secretaries dares to try and participate in the conversation, or tell her own story, he impatiently listens, and then says, "Well. As I was saying...."
People need to understand that if their children aren't remarkably interesting (like my friend Kiki's) then no one honestly and truly cares about them. If I haven't asked to see baby pictures, Don't. Show. Them. To. Me. I won't pretend to be interested.
If I ask any person how they're doing, the usual answer is a simple "fine," or "great," or "ok" because that person knows that I'm asking out of politeness. And he in turn, responds out of politeness, knowing that I really don't want or need any more information. If he started yammering about his plumbing problems or the fact that his wife is screwing her boss, that just creates an uncomfortable social situation where one is sharing too much.
Same rule applies to babies. There's no exception in the social rules of interaction, carving out a niche for babies. No ear infection stories, no aversions to baby powder, not even one iota about rashes. "Fine," "great" or "ok" are the acceptable responses. Anything more? I DON'T CARE. Neither does anyone else. Get over it.
30 comments:
GADOL!
ANAK!
BTBVN
May be you're just not mommy material
Has nothing to do with being mommy material. I have no desire to hear about or see ad nauseum pictures of anyone's dog or cat. I agree the appropriate polite response would be fine, great or ok.
Amen sister. We got a guy like that in our office. Before they had their kid he would babble on about his dog, his fucking dog. Then when the kid came into the picture it is all this kid. I have three myself and I don't bore people with every little detail.
I was a little disturbed about the comment shoving a yellow bunny blanket up your ass without an invitation. Has anyone ever really invited a yellow bunny blanket up their ass?
stop being a hater because you can't find a guy. all these so called proposals and your still alone and lost at over 30. hate the game not the player. be proud for him and his wife, not jealous because by the time your kid is 10 your going to be 50. wait can you even have kids then? your filled with so much anger/hate that i think you probably forgot how to have a genuine smile. and don't say in greece you were happy because running away from your problems only makes them worse. what's wrong no one in ny left to date? try jersey. last thing: look in the mirror and ask yourself a question: is my( use to be) beautiful face ruined by my jewish attitude of thinking the world owes me something. drop the attitude of your gods gift and learn some humility. thats why your men don't look past your looks, underneath your empty and jaded.
Dear Anonymous, or should i say ee cummings,
Let's address your issues so we can save your therapist some time. First and most importantly:
1. You obviously don't know me, otherwise you would know that my face is still quite beautiful, and that I have only gotten better with age.
2. There is no direct correllation between being a hater and (not) being in a relationship. (I'm moving in with my boyf of over a year in a couple of months..)
3. What problems are you ASSuming I'm running away from?
4. Are you an anti-semite and think the Jews all act like the world owes them something?
5. You should see someone about your reading impairment. The blog title (and the general feel of what I write) is, "God's COMIC STRIP, not GIFT."
6. Men are always trying to see past my looks, usually up my skirt. Only a select few get to.
7. And I would like to reiterate, the original point of the entry (which I think you missed, please see #5 re: your reading impairment), that if you have any children, no one cares about them as much as you do, so keep the chit chat to a minimum.
Dear Anonymous,
You obviously don't know the writer otherwise you'd know she has beautiful boobies.
Besides,it's not nice to be anti-semitic. Everyone is a hater. Look at the nasty things you write to complete strangers. Anger Management classes start Tuesday at 7.
Break a leg
"wow must of hit pretty close to the mark to get her all rilled up like that , huh kid"
1) your not as pretty as you think. get off your self proclaimed petastil
2)moving in with your boyfriend of over a year? would that be the guy from greece or here in the states? if you say in the states then i have no comment for ho's. if it's the one from greece, i'll bet your moving there :)
3) running from problems: yes it's called life and responsability. you want to find a man and be a stay at home, never work housewife. sorry but it's not happening for you. so, adulthood must come eventually. hopefully
4)nope, love jewish women. just not you with your attitude.
5) "god comic srtip" then why don't you write anything funny, why is it always filled with justifications on your views for one thing or another that you don't like. you rant and rave over baby shit, that adults don't even pay any mind to.
6) ok, now, are you ready? only a select few? stop it because now your lying to yourself. "trying to see past your looks, usually up your skirt" you can't be serious? and when they get passed the looks they find an empty soul longing for attention, longing for respect. just go back to answer #1. enough said about that. man does this chick really think this way? talk about giving ny women a bad name
7) finally, your wrong. lots of people care when someone has a child or dog. it's called compassion and love, understanding and respect( but you wouldn't have any of those things) sorry that your jaded heart doesn't understand these words or feelings as a normal human being.
Forgetting your total and utter inability to spell or conjugate, after reading what you wrote, I realize now that you're right. I am jaded and empty and horrible. Hey, do you think you can give me your contact information so we can talk, and you can teach me how to be more sensitive, and less obnoxious and opinionated? Esp. since you don't suffer from any of those terrible personality traits. Please? I want to spread the same kind of kindness and joy you do to total and utter strangers.
Urgh - the obsessive baby thing is just rudeness. Why must people believe that the world revolves around their offspring? It's ridiculous and unnecessary.
And don't get me started on people's abuse of the English language... Just as bad, if not worse.
Anonymous - MLIGCS is funny and her blog is HER OPINION - get over it. Or perhaps as was so eloquently put - you can't read and you definitely need to work on your grammar and spelling skills. Here's some compassion for you - take btbvn's advice and get a therapist for all the injustices that you have been subjected too. You sound way too bitter.
Despite being a committed non-mom, I realize that becoming a parent is pretty much the biggest life change that can happen to someone. So a little indulgence is in order.
That being said, some people are just freaking bores about everything. Give them a second and they will suck the life right out of you. These people must be stopped. I listened for 45 minutes at a party to some asshole go on about his new diet plan and how it is the only guaranteed scientific thing that works. I should have told him to piss off, that just because I am a fat chick doesn't mean I want his lousy diet advice. But no, I was polite. And wasted 45 minutes that I WILL NEVER GET BACK!
NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT OHTER PEOPLES KIDS! UNLESS THEY ARE RELATED TO YOU.
Just FYI, giving birth IS an amazing feat...but you wouldn't know that.
Aw, Tara,
I'm sure you mother doesn't regret one second of the agonizing pain she went through in giving birth to you, now that you've grown up to be a petty, obnoxious woman.
Not that I would know that. Actually, yes I would.
The thing with babies is that we live in a society obsessed with them. Babies are miracles, babies are pure innocence, blah blah blah. It's an invented perspective. A hundred years ago, kids were considered minature adults, none of this "the world revolves around this miracle o' mine" crap. Personally, I think rambling about your children is grounds for corporal punishment (a kick to the groin, a quick dash of Mace in the eyes, etc.).
That being said, to all the people who leave nasty comments on this blog: seriously, get a life. It's a blog about a woman sharing her (often funny) perspective on life. If you don't like it, don't read it. If you're filled with all sorts of nasty emotions that compells you to shit on other people, go have yourself a kid and take it out on them. The world is not your toilet.
Jack and Ivy,
You, like Barry, ROCK!!!!!
Thanks.
yeah delete the comments that show you up, you diva you... i love reading this because it reminds me how fortunate i am to not be miserable and self-serving like YOU...i read this for the same reasons others do...your fake stories of your fake life are entertaining me...but others don't have the balls to call you out on it...they just prefer to kiss-ass...which is rather boring...laughing at you is fun...come on, you laugh at yourself, you admit to it. You are selfish, but I will hand it to you --- you realize it. Sad. You hate the truth. Go ahead, delete this before anyone else reads it, right?
Tara - I feel sorry for your kid. It's sad when a child has to grow up with a parent with so much anger. Why don't you go do something productive with him/her instead of posting ridiculous comments that completely miss the point of this blog?
b -
suck it
Speaking of "sucking it," a google of "tara sax" generates (caps are my emphasis):
great black ass... blow sex lesbian cum fiesta TARA SAX boob snow sex pic pic ebony tgp free butt and drunk cheerleader sexy perfect suck room mature lingerie black scene ...
mywebpage.netscape.com/enterwgng/great-black-ass.html - Similar pages
Dear my life is god's comic strip,
I read your blog from time to time and I find it very interesting and entertaining. I honestly think that once you have your own children you WILL see that they ARE amazing...
Yeah, kids are amazing. For the parents. It's YOUR baby. Of course it's amazing to YOU. That's the way nature designed it: if kids weren't adorable/fascinating to their parents, our chimp forefathers/foremothers would've walked away from their babies a long time ago and gone banana hunting, and we wouldn't be here today. So, I can appreciate the sentiment, 'cause I'd rather exist than not exist.
But all babies look alike, they all do the same 'cute' things. Therefore, I only need to see one set of baby pictures, hear one set of stories about the first steps, and everything after that is reruns.
The only thing I don't understand is why you continue to listen to people talk about their babies. Like this guy in your office. Why are you listening to him? Is there nothing you can do? Close your door, go to the bathroom, something?
Everyone says, 'If you don't like this blog, don't read it.' The same applies to your situation, 'If you don't want to hear about people's babies, don't listen.' Excuse yourself, walk away, never speak with them again.
Better yet, tell this guy that you don't give a crap about his baby and you don't want to hear about it. Lay it on him. Be honest. Then he'll know never to approach you with stories like that again. And when you ask about people's babies and they go too far -- tell them. Let them know when they've overstepped the line.
Otherwise, it could be said you have only yourself to blame for baby story burnout.
tilth, are you serious? You don't find that a little rude for civilized company? Not reading a blog is easy. But walking away from someone during a conversation? A tad different.
Oh, it's RUDE to walk away from a situation, or as in this case, a conversation about someone's baby, but it's okay to hang around for the conversation, then publicly bash the guy behind his back on a blog?
Making fun of a guy for being excited about his new baby kind of ranks up there with making fun of a dead person. Even the biggest smart-asses usually don't stoop that low.
I agree with two people who have commented above:
1. When/if MLIGCS (gasp) has a baby, she too will learn how amazing babies can be. I too once declared my hate for all things baby, but once I had one of my own, everything changed.
2. If you don't like listening to people talk about things you don't want to hear, then excuse yourself and walk away. It is hypocritical to knock the people who make negative comments for reading this blog (if they don't like its content), but then complain about having to listen to some guy rant when you could have just walked away.
Just something to think about....
amen!
That's what I'm sayin'...
Just my two euros worth.
1. This blog is funny, thats why people read it. If you don't like her views there are plenty of parenting blogs you can go to.
2. As with anything, use your social skills if someone appears disinterested change the subject. This goes for anything not just babies.
3. If the overwhelming urge to talk baby is too much to resist talk to someone else who has a baby and wants to talk about it.
I think that its fine if they mention whats going on with their baby in polite conversation - 'Oh, how's the baby?' 'She's doing fine, finally slept through the night' - people can be excited about that!
What we eventually have to accept is everyone is excited about new things that are happening to them and EVERYTHING a baby does is new.
So let them be excited and just leave. And maybe develop a hacking cough which means noone wants to go near you in fear that they might infect the baby - hmm?
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