Wednesday, August 30, 2006


I recently read a book admonishing women who have been proposed to more than twice of being careless. I thought about it, since I happen to fall into that category, and wondered whether I was really careless, or just someone who likes to see how far she can get the guy to commit, before she has to extricate herself from a relationship she knows she doesn't want to be in for the rest of her life.

My first boyfriend, whom I loved madly, didn't really propose so much as capitulate to my incessant pressure. Luckily for both of us, he conveniently forgot the entire episode.

A few boyfriends later, I was proposed to again. But we didn't get along very well, and I ended up breaking one of his teeth with my killer aim. He blackmailed me to stay with him, threatening to press charges for assault and battery if I tried to leave. That was a charming relationship that I look back on quite fondly.

There was the boyfriend who was nice, fun, loving, Jewish...and poor. I got thrown out of the house for dating him. And I vaguely recall my mother threatening that if I didn't leave him, she would make my life so miserable, that when I cried (which she guaranteed she would make me do), I would cry blood instead of tears.

I called him, distraught, to break up. I didn't know he was planning on proposing in only a few days, on the 4th of July during the fireworks. But since I was adamant we had to break up because our Jedi training hadn't fully prepared us to fight the forces of Satan, he ended up asking over the phone. Needless to say, family pressure forced us to split months later.

Then, my ex-husband, who proposed on my friend's boat. He used a note in a bottle that he'd hidden in a bathing suit pocket and pulled out as he was coming out of the water. We celebrated all day on the boat, and all night with friends. It was a halcyon day. Really, just the beginning of the end.

And now, my Greek boyf. He didn't use the M word, but asked in what amounted to as a proposal. He knew better than to use the M word; he knew I wouldn't respond positively. I also don't think his mouth is capable of forming the M word and he feared his vocal chords could cramp and choke him to death.

I said, "How about a year? If we're both still alive, and neither one incarcerated or in a mental institution, we'll take it from there."

Love, is about baby steps. Giant leaps can leave you careening off the side of a cliff and splattered on the rocks below. Bob knows what he's talking about.


Anonymous said...

does the dread pirate roberts know how you feel about the m word?

roselle said...

i agree whole heartedly MLIGCS. for instance, last night some guy i've been "seeing" (term used lightly) for a goddamn WEEK said, while in bed, "I can see myself falling in love with you."


everyone else thinks i'm nuts for freaking out and bolting but WTF! who says that after a week?!

Lynnie said...

Ya, that's nuts! Loved this post --- you make me laugh so hard i wanna pee - stop!!! :)

Anonymous said...

Halfway across the world, sitting in Mumbai, I identify with your sentiments...!!!

Ah well, c'est la viw

Colima said...

Hmmm ... After only a week, you are in bed with a guy and you're offended when he says he can see himself falling in love? I'd be cautious, but flattered. I also wouldn't jump in bed so fast.

jj said...

omg! our lives are just the same!

endlesssummer128 said...

I truly admire your sense of humor towards this situation that I seem to find myself in a similar one. You truly have a gift. =]

<3 Katie

Kimberly said...

Okay - all I have to say is "Ditto!!!" I have been engaged 5 times, marries once & then annuled within 2 months & I am just hitting the ripe old age of 30. My current boy friend & I have been together for just over 3 years & he has hinted at getting married eventually & I simply tell him that I am allergic. I break out in hives & sweat uncontrolably at the thought of getting hitched & cannot ever see myself being anything other than someone's girlfriend. And I am fine with that. In my current relationship, I enjoy much of what a wife gets -I have a credit card, most of my bills are taken care of & we have talked about buying a home for me in the next year or so. My thinking is why ruin a perfectly good arrangement by inviting a contract into the mix? W respect each other & love each other & that should be all that matters, right?