Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Passover, Just Another Joyous Occasion Built for Torture

"Breaking and entering is illegal Mom."

"It's not breaking and entering when I have a key, kiddo."

So I get home last night, and look around. And I notice that things in my kitchen are not as they were when I left in the morning.

The last time my mother used her key to break and enter, I came home to the stench of "special" incense she had burned all over my apartment to ward off the evil eye.

This time? She took down my old mezuzahs, and hung up new ones. On all the doors. Why? Because the old ones weren't kosher. And that's why I was still single and in a job I hate. She figured by changing them, she would be able to change my luck, and maybe I wouldn't be single anymore. Maybe I would let go of my silly European Lover fantasies, and just make her dreams come true already.

Little did she know that while she was sneaking around my apartment trying to change my luck, I was busy GETTING FIRED. And getting fired has just facilitated an ability to spend even MORE time with my European Lover.

I haven't told her yet I got fired. But I think I'll tell her by thanking her for changing my luck in such a great way. Thanks Mom!!! Without you and your meddling, I might still be employed, and I would only have one measly week with my European Lover instead of an unlimited amount of time. You really DID change my luck! Mom? Mom? Don't pretend to pass out. I'm not falling for that one again.

MWUAHAHHAHAHA.

6 comments:

Jane said...

Before you go to Europe, change the lock.

Grins said...

You know, I'm missing out on so many things by not being jewish. No one told me about the power of the mezuzahs before. Not even my jewish girlfriend. Hrumph.

rev. billy bob gisher ©2005 said...

CHANGE THE LOCKS!

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Hilary said...

See, that is the reason I live a two hour car drive away from my parents.

Chag sameach.

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