- I found you an apartment, exactly in the area you wanted.
- No way Mom!
- Yes, the guy is getting married and he’s giving up his place. It’s an illegal rental, so no lease to worry about. Come to his wedding on Saturday night with me, his landlord will be there, she’s a little old lady; make nice to her, she’ll love you, you’ll get a great apartment.
- Shit, I have to come to his wedding? I hate these weddings, everyone stares at you and gossips.
- Look what’s the big deal, you spend one night with your mom, one wedding, and then you get a great place to live in.
- Fine. The things I have to do to find decent housing in this city.
- Hey, didn’t you go out with that guy a few years ago?
- Who? The one with the hair plugs? Yeah, I did. Look, he’s here with someone. I think that’s a ring on her finger. Oh he was a nice guy, I’m happy for him…..Bartender, glass of white wine please.
23 minutes later……..
- Um, MLIGCS?
- Yeah Mom?
- Isn’t that your ex-boyfriend?
- Oh my god, I haven’t seen him since we got engaged and I left him for my ex-husband. Ohhhh, look at his wife, she’s gorgeous. And, wait, does she look pregnant to you?
- Yeah, maybe only a few months, but pregnant. She’s really tall, and so thin, even pregnant.
- Yes, I see that. Thanks Mom…..Bartender, vodka. Rocks.
17 minutes later……
- Oh dear lord, there’s my ex-mother-in-law. I didn’t know she was going to be here. I haven’t seen her since I left my motherfucking wife-beating ex. Jesus, could this night get any worse?
- Well, actually…..
- IS THAT MY motherfucking wife beating ex-husband?!?!?! AND HE’S HERE WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND?!?!?!? I didn’t know she’s a blond…..What the fuck is going on? This was supposed to be a wedding, not a goddamn convention. Bartender, whiskey. Neat. Actually, just give me the damn bottle.