I'm looking for someone with no assembly required (batteries optional)

There's one very important thing I've learned while dating in the past 14 years, and that is, the only way something is going to work, is if I approach it with a "take it or leave it" attitude.

Basically, what I mean is, that you can't change anyone. And I learned a long time ago to not even try.

Therefore, whenever I am faced with a situation that I don't like, or behavior that I don't like, I can either accept it, or I can walk away. If I do accept it, I have to accept it fully. I can't say it's ok, and then be a nag about it.

But if it's not ok, I will avoid having a discussion about it, and I will definitely try to avoid any kind of fight, and I will certainly not sit around talking about why it's unacceptable to me. It doesn't always work, but I try.

For example, if I'm out on a first date, and the 36 year old guy decides that he wants to smoke some pot, and asks me if I mind, I'm not going to tell him I mind. I'm just not going to see him anymore.

And you might say that that's not fair, because he asked me if I minded. But what I know is, that if I said yes, it wouldn't stop him from smoking, it would only stop him from smoking in front of me. And dating a 36 year old that still smokes pot is not something I'm looking for.

Or if I'm dating someone, and he goes out all the time with his friends, and I invariably get the drunk dial at 3 in the morning, replete with annoying avowals of love and tears, and maybe a fight he wants to pick, on a school night. Eventually, I'm going to bail.

It's ok to go out with friends; it's ok to have a few cocktails; it's ok to call your girlfriend to tell her you love her. It's not ok when these things happen every random Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday night. And I will say something like, "Hey, you think maybe you can try to call me a little earlier if you want to talk? It's hard for me to get up in the morning for work when you call at 3..." But I'll say it maximum two times, not more. And then, check please.

Or, if I'm dating someone long distance for about a year, and it's an exclusive relationship, and he decides to go away for the weekend last minute, I think I should get a phone call. I don't think I should find out about it because I happened to call him his first night away.

And I certainly shouldn't find out on Monday that the trip was comprised of a whole bunch of guys and girls away together.

Don't talk to me about trust. There's a difference between trusting someone, and just being an idiot. And actually, this doesn't even have to do with trust, it has to do with respect. If we're exclusive for a year and a trip is coming up, I'll call him, and let him know about it the minute I decide I want to go. Let him know the details, where, when, with who, all of it. If he voices any concerns, I try to put him at ease. If he's still not at ease, I'll reconsider going (unless he's being absurd).

So on the flip side, I would expect that I should at least get a phone call during the three or four hour drive it takes to get to the vacation spot. At least some sort of heads-up, "Hey, I'm going away this weekend, I'm on my way...X,Y, and Z are coming with."

But I don't like information after the fact. I'm not ok with it. I don't know why, but there's something about getting information after the fact that makes me uncomfortable.

BUT, I'm not going to discuss it. I'm not going to fight about it, I'm not going to get into the whole, "Don't you trust me? You're just being jealous. You know what, I'm not going to tell you anything anymore because you just give me a hard time..." lines. Men use those lines all the time when they've behaved badly in order to put women on the defensive. And I'm not going to put myself in that position.

Letting your girlfriend of a year know you're going away, and that you're going away with a mixed group, is not about jealousy. It's not about control. You don't need my permission. But it IS about having some respect. And maybe a little forethought.

If the situation were reversed I have a feeling he would be something close to livid. And Lucy would have some 'splainin to do.

Talking is great. Working things out is great. Letting each other know about feelings is great, if not extremely nauseating, but great. Having to train a grown man to treat me the way he would want to be treated is a waste of my time. If his mother failed at instilling that little life lesson when he was 10, my chances of success 20 years later aren't that good.

But it's extremely liberating to know that I can either take it or leave it. It takes away any feelings of helplessness; let's me understand that even though other people do things that may hurt my feelings, I ultimately control my life and my experiences. It also helps me avoid being a nag. And forces me to really understand how I feel about someone, and how far I'm willing to go in a relationship. It's all up to me. Ladies, if you haven't yet, you should try it.