Past Tense:

Saturday, the Neurosurgeon and I were supposed to hang out. But I hadn't heard from him for most of the day. I figured that based on the number of phone calls we had exchanged already, the number of dates we'de been on, and the comfort level we seemed to have reached really quickly, it was ok to just call him myself.

Turns out he was on a lunch date. A LUNCH DATE. WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. Of course, I don't think he actually heard my heart break, but as a doctor, he definitely heard something short circuit. The problem wasn't so much the date or that he wasn't going to see her again, but the fact that he said he liked her. (OUCH!!! - coupled with complete incredulity, that he could actually like someone after meeting me, but that's not the point -nor the good part of the story).

*N.B. - For some info on exclusivity and multiple partner dating in NYC, please refer to this post.

So, we decide to go out that night, he says he's really excited to see me. I was a little cold in the beginning, but eventually I thawed out. Because I really REALLY liked him.

We ended up going to BB Kings to hear a battle of the bands between various painfully untalented heavy metal bands - which was now the second thing he'd done to annoy me. The first being that he had the gaul to go out with another woman when he was telling me how crazy he was about me, the second being that he took me somewhere he knew I had absolutely no interest in going, but he just didn't care because that's what he wanted to do.

So, I did what any adult, independent female with an extremely active social life does when the guy she recently started dating and really likes annoys her: I proceeded to get completely, blindingly, fall off the chair, drunk.

Now, I don't remember everything that happened that night. But lucky me, the Neurosurgeon was nice enough to fill me in with the details on Sunday afternoon.

For starters, at some point in the evening, I apparently thought it would be a good idea to PROFESS MY LOVE TO HIM. I mean, I actually told the man "I love you" after knowing him for less than a month. I Love You. Love You came out of my mouth, with an "I" in front of it. He, feeling very sorry for me, put his arm around my shoulders, kissed me on the forehead, and told me that I "was going to hate myself in the morning." (Nice!)

I then felt that his response was not emotionally adequate, I became very serious, turned away from him for a full five minutes, and turned back and PROCEEDED TO GIVE HIM THE "BREAK-UP SPEECH." You know, "This is not going to work out for me. I think we would make really great friends. I wish you all the best..." Blah blah fucking blah. Excellent. But, folks it gets EVEN BETTER.

He wouldn't let me drive home, (obviously), and so I ended up spending the night at his place, and I PROCEEDED TO HAVE SEX WITH HIM. AFTER I broke up with him (and he's not even my boyfriend), AFTER professing my love to him. How's that for psychotic?

In case you missed it, let's recap:
1. Doctor goes out on date with another woman.
2. I drink inordinate amounts of straight vodka.
3. I tell him I LOVE HIM.
4. I BREAK UP with him, even though he's not my boyfriend.
5. I go home and have SEX with him.
6. I don't remember a damned thing.

We continued to date. And this time, erectile dysfunction and NOT my behavioral dysfunction ended it. It's a sad state of affairs when you're relieved by erectile dysfunction.