Thursday, March 23, 2006

Lies, I tell you. All LIES....

"I like to live a simple life."
- I'm cheap.

"I'm more into staying home, watching a movie and getting some take-out."
- I'm cheap. Very cheap.

"I want a woman to love me for me, and not my money."
- I'm cheap. And insecure.

"I'd rather cook a meal for a girl than go out. Brunch can be so romantic."
- I'm cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap. Cheap.

"I'm looking for a nice girl."
- I'm looking for a girl whose actions I can control, because I'm cheap.

"I'm a regular kind of guy."
- I'm not taking you anywhere fancy or trendy because I'm cheap.

"I think coffee is a better first date than drinks or dinner, because you can really talk to each other without any distractions."
- I'm so cheap, I squeak.

"I don't understand why people are into brand names. It's so shallow and empty to be engrossed in that stuff."
- I'm cheap, but I'm trying to hide my cheapness behind a bullshit statement about the human condition.

"Your half comes out to $7.42."
- I'm cheap, and I'm not embarrassed to let you know. But I don't understand why I never get laid.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm poor. And I probably don't like you, so pay up.

Anonymous said...

OMG, that's hilarious! Thanks for the laugh.

Anonymous said...

I only disagree with 1, I only ever did drinks... it can end FAST... dinner youre stuck there for too long. Thats a get out of jail free card..gotta love drinks

Anonymous said...

you looked very cute last night any luck with the boys in the pizza place?

My Life Is God's Comic Strip said...

No, I didn't want anything with the guys at the pizza place...I'm just friendly when I drink, and then I got hungry.

But thanks for the hat...

Anonymous said...

you're welcome :}

Lisa Ann said...

I think we've been meeting the same guys...

Thanks for the laugh. I love your blog.

Anonymous said...

Yikes. He sounds all kinds of special. I'd ask where you find them, but it's quite probably the NYC equivalent of wherever mine keep cropping up from.

You have my full sympathies. Take this weekend off and spoil yourself rotten.

Attila the Mom said...

LOL! Too funny!

Anonymous said...

So tell us about these Friday night synagogue get togethers. Lots of single Jewish chicks there?

rev. billy bob gisher ©2008 said...

truth: I like a woman who's a cheap drunk

Anonymous said...

Where are these Friday night dinners? I would go there to meet you anytime. How does one get to find out who you are? I think we would get along great.

Jack Burden said...

MLIGCS, you're right on in a lot of ways.

But, as a guy who's making good corporate money and who's about to LOSE that good $$ because it's time for a major career change, look at it this way: sometimes, sorry, guys don't have money, and they can't afford to blow $100+ every time they want to go on a date.

THAT BEING SAID - I just realized that I can only defend quote #2. Everything else is, yeah, a cheapskate. Especially "Your half is $7.42." Christ. What planet is that guy from? Unless it's specifically agreed as a Dutch date (which has to be insisted on by the woman), you don't pull that crap. Woman says, "So what's my half?" Proper answer is, "$5 or 6, whatever you think is right."

"Your half comes out to $7.42" my ass. Makes me want to give up my much-anticipated career change and sell my sould to The Might Corporation just so I never have to say those words.