Things I have done in the past four days that I am WAY TOO OLD to be doing:

I am too old to hang out at a sports bar by myself after my girlfriend left to meet her date.

I am too old to suck a jello shot out of the waitress's mouth in front of a bunch of guys.

I am too old to let the waitress suck a jello shot from my mouth.

I am too fucking old to be doing jello shots.

I am too old to work up the nerve to walk across the bar to talk to the JFK Jr. look-alike, only to find out he's 26 years old, and says things like, "yo bro."

I am too old to go to sleep on my friend's couch and show up to work in the same clothes as the day before, plus one ill-fitting sweater on-loan.

I am too old to get drunk off of one glass of wine at five in the afternoon.

I am too old to be doing vodka shots at my friend's wedding.

I am too old to go traipsing around the streets of Washington DC in an evening dress with three men in tuxedos, looking for a party at two in the morning, WHEN WE WERE JUST AT A PARTY.

I am too old to dance atop furniture at various establishments.

I am too old to pass out in my strappy gold high heels with pretty flowers on them, and a full face of makeup.

I am too old to be having platonic sleep overs with an old acquaintance, just because we are too drunk to be able to function.

I am too old to be so hung over, that I almost passed out on the plane and threw up in my sister's car on the way home from the airport the day after the party.

I am too old to have only vodka, ice-cream and butter in my fridge when I get home.