Iteration

It's amazing how we encounter the same concepts or ideas over and over again, in different forms, from various sources.

About a month ago, I was talking to a good friend, and we were both depressed; finding no satisfaction in work, our personal lives and even our pretty busy social lives. None of these things had necessarily changed for the worse, we just seemed to have reached a point of malaise. And then we started the "If only" game. "If only I had a boyfriend"; "If only I could afford this apartment"; "If only I could do that for a living instead of this" I would be happy.

But then I realized what a dangerous game we were really playing. Looking back, most of the things I thought I wanted or was convinced would make me happy, ultimately never really did. Yes, being an attorney at a large firm is impressive, but it also yields very low levels of job satisfaction. I wanted to be married, and ten months later I couldn't get out fast enough. You even see it in little kids, who scream and yell and throw the most violent temper tantrums for a toy, and then once they get it, lose interest after a few hours or days of play.

So we started talking about the difference between the things that we think will make us happy versus the things that actually make us happy.

So I think this is something to consider, in order to stop the recurring feelings of disappointment and dissatisfaction. I think this involves some serious introspection. Is it a change of job, location, self? All of the above? None of the above? What will REALLY make me happy? What makes any of us really happy? Those moments where we feel total contentment, when we look around and don't want to be anywhere but that place in time. I've had too few of those, and I usually know when they're happening.

I deathly fear having to invest in self-help books (they might suck whatever low levels of intelligence I already have right out of me) so if anyone has any suggestions, I'm open. Alternatively, I could always just contact a career counselor.