Thursday, April 21, 2005

I Deserve to be Single

"You're a blushing school girl. Or a blithering idiot. One of the two."

I vote blithering idiot.

While walking towards the elevator banks with a co-worker, a very handsome, very tall, very square-jawed guy with piercing blue eyes, gets out of the elevator and walks past us, checking his blackberry.

Our conversation, taking its obvious and natural course, turns into how I plan on spending the weekend spackling, sanding and painting some walls in my apartment (since it's going to rain). I mean, what else would two women in suits be talking about.

Square-Jaw, for some reason only god in heaven knows, has turned around, and is now standing behind me, listening to this INANITY. Listening to me yammer on about SPACKLE and SAND PAPER. And then, gets into the elevator.

And turns to me, in an attempt to start a normal, human-on-human conversation, and says, "You spackle?"

Clearly incapable of having a homosapien-like conversation, I respond, "Yeah, I guess, if I need to. Sometimes. I mean....uh, yeah. I guess. Uh, yeah."

Square Jaw, somewhat taken aback, but still hopeful of finding intelligent life in the elevator, tries again, "I hear guys talk about that stuff all the time, but never a young woman. "

As I start blushing furiously FURIOUSLY (like my head is about to explode off my neck) I respond, "Um, yeah. Spackle, I uh...sure. Sand paper. " And proceed to get out of the elevator.

THIS, folks, is why I'm still single. For all of my friends out there, feel free to abuse me like a substitute teacher. You know the number.


B. said...

Let's see... you could have said:
1) Spackle this buddy
2) Yes, and I'm going to paint my bedroom walls the color of your eyes
3) I've got a complete set of tools at home
4) Yes, I like all my holes to be filled


Anonymous said...

Too bad we couldn't talk more, I really enjoyed the chat about spackling! It was so cute how you blushed... and the the elevator was gone...

John Norton said...

Okay, the typical gender roles were definitely reversed in that story.

E-Beth said...

Pretty eyes turn me into a puddle of idiot as well. I can talk to dorks all day about video games and comic books but put some attractive guy I'd actually spackle with around and 8 times out of 10 they'll ask if I'm drunk. Le sigh.

Anonymous said...

hi....i uh...think that are going to, most likely....uh....DIE ALONE! well not completely alone...ill be on the "bitter rocker" next to you.
until Satan (a.k.a. mom puts us out of our misery by driving us completly insane, which in that case - we would flee the country and most likely take up home in New Zealand...) wait no...that option has already been taken. dammit...bitter rockers here we come.

LJ said...

I had to laugh at this entry because I've done the same thing. Sometimes I am stunned by the things I hear coming out of my mouth. Anyway, I surfed in via BlogExplosion, and thought I should tell you that I blogmarked you. :)

Anonymous Me said...

You realize, of course, that your repeated mention of the word 'spackle' has generated some very boring Google ads about plaster and patching compound. Unfortunately, your more recent mention of penises has generated no similar Google ads (ones that might have been worth clicking on). I think you need to incorporate the word 'penis' several times into your next few posts, and see what happens with your ads.

Anonymous me

PS--Thanks for your comment today on my blog. I'll check out!

Jordan, and ya don't stop said...

why did e-beth assume that nerds who talk about comic books aren't attractive at all?

cube said...

When did spackling become an activity that only men could perform?

I say, spackle, & spackle proudly!

how to build said...

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