Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner

So today I had to do a lousy thing. I used one of those inane, meaningless lines to stop seeing someone. I told him I'm not in the "right frame of mind" to date anyone right now. What a load of horse shit. I couldn't believe the words that were actually coming out of my mouth. But I couldn't very well tell him why I didn't want to see him anymore, so I had to make something up, even if it was the most idiotic thing in the world to say.

I've used so many of those bs lines to get away from guys I can't stand anymore, the "it's not you, it's me", the "I'm not over my ex", the "I really need to focus on my career right now" crap. I never mean any of it; I always have a reason I never want to see them again, but if I verbalize the reason, I'm probably putting myself in harms way. Especially since my way of communicating is obviously so delicate.

Anyway, the first reason I had to use the horse shit line is because the guy is a chiropractor. I know, I shouldn't be judgmental, but anyone who chooses to go into any type of holistic-anything in life will probably get bitch slapped by me on a weekly basis. (Not to mention the fact that he probably couldn't get into med school). I have no patience for yoga, or candles and incense, or healing rocks and aromatherapy. Seriously, just kill yourself. I can't even stand getting a massage because they make you listen to that stupid sounds of nature crap, and no one is allowed to speak above a tone that is not 'soothing.' Turn the cd of chirping birds and gurgling streams off, give me my damn massage, and lets all get on with our day, please.

And there's a bigger reason I stopped seeing him. When I met him in December he told me he was seeing someone (in response to a direct question from me) but that she wasn't his girlfriend. Being the great attorney I am, my follow up question was whether his non-girlfriend would mind knowing that he took my number and was speaking with me. He said no, she wouldn't mind because their relationship wasn't like that. Meaning, their relationship wasn't that serious. Meaning that they weren't committed. Meaning that they date other people. Okay by me.

Over the next four months, about once a week, he would send me a text message asking how I was, or inviting me to some party or lounge or club where he'd be with his friends. (I never met him out or called him, but I would respond to his texts once in a while.) For four months, he exerted just enough gravity to keep me in a distant orbit, giving me just enough attention so that I wouldn't forget about him completely, but not enough so that I would have any expectations either.

Suddenly a few weeks ago, he showed up at a lounge I told him I would be at with friends celebrating a birthday. And then the serious phone calls started. "I really want to see you." "We have to get together." "I want to go out on a date, it's about time already." Blah blah blah. I figured, what the hell, I'd go out with him.

Turns out, the girl he was seeing was someone he was "seeing" for a YEAR. And he just stopped "seeing" her a few weeks ago. Interesting. He actually dated that poor woman for a YEAR, met me, took my number, kept in touch with me for FOUR MONTHS, and then when he finally made the decision to break up with her, decided to take me out of my four-month holding pattern.

Now, golly-gee, I don't claim to be the sharpest tool in the shed, but aw shucks, I don't think I'm that dum. (D-u-m dumb is even dumber than dumb spelled correctly.)

First off, if he's going to do something like that to another woman, there's a great possibility he could do that to me. I don't want to be "seeing" someone for an entire year and still be concerned about what the hell he's doing when he's out with his friends.

Second of all, he lied about the nature of his relationship (I know I live in jaded New York, but NO ONE dates casually for an ENTIRE YEAR!), especially since he didn't ask me out on a date until he officially stopped "seeing" the woman he claimed he wasn't "seeing" exclusively.

Third of all, and most importantly, I AM NO ONE'S BACK-UP PLAN. No fucking way, MoFo. Nu-uh. I don't think so.

But of course, I'm not about to call him a MoFo to his face, or tell him he's a total jackass if he thinks I'm not going to put two-and-two together. (I mean, I am the one with a real degree in this scenario). So instead, he gets the horse shit line. And ends up with no non-girlfriend and no back-up non-girlfriend. 'Cuz Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner. MoFo.


Anonymous said...

you need a hug.

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Libra Litrou said...

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Libra Litrou

Anonymous said...

I loved it.. It is nice to know that there is someone out there who thinks like I do-- especially the holistic/chiropractic stuff. Hilarious! I am a businesswoman turned teacher. Talk about culture shock. What a touchy -feely, full of their own virtue and bullshit profession. Some people don't have the ability to think bottom line and reality. They live in Neverland and want everyone to join them. Sounds like your fella even believes his own bullshit. DENIAL---"don't even know I am lying"

Anonymous said...

a long time ago, i came to the conclusion that men don't leave a relationship until they've got someone waiting in the wings. (Dur! ok so it took me a few years to figure that out...)

several male friends of mine confirmed that for me.

what i don't understand is why you didn't just drop him with the simple line you expressed so beautifully and succinctly "i'm nobody's back-up plan" and let him figure it out.

was/is he likely to harm you physically, socially or career-wise?