"I can't believe with all the networking websites and dating websites out there, you still can't find someone to marry you." Smarmy-Ass Co-Worker just said that to me. Verbatim. And then chuckled to himself and walked out of my office.
Is it still arson if you set a person on fire?
I've been through the ringer with online dating sites like JDate, or as I call it, JHell. Most of the men I know call it Lay-Date. And from what I hear, for good reason. It's true that I met many men on there, (I was quite popular, if I do say so myself - I would even get recognized when I went out sometimes) but that's clearly irrelevant since I'm still getting harrassed by Smarmy-Ass for being single.
My friends would muse out loud about how totally incredible it was that I had soooo many dates and yet absolutely nothing, NOTHING would come to fruition.
"I've never seen anything like it." (translation: you are clearly a moron that shouldn't be let loose on society.)
"What do you do on these dates?" (translation: in what horrifyingly neurotic way do you scare these men out of ever wanting to see you again?)
"What do you say on these dates?" (translation: do you let them see how pathetically needy and desperate you really are?)
"Maybe you shouldn't be so open." (translation: keep your damn yap shut and your obnoxious opinions to yourself. It's bad enough you're a divorced lawyer, just sit there and look pretty.)
In my defense, I was actually very nice to almost all of the guys I went out with, including the ones who lied about their age (I thought I told you I'm really 45. I wrote 35 in my profile by mistake), their height (No, I'm 5'10", your heels are what's making you three inches taller than me), their weight (I have muscles. I do. Really. Under these extra 50 pounds, there are lots of muscles), and their intentions.
It can't be all my fault. And if it is, then there must be someone out there who'll like me for me. I mean, as soon as he gets released from the asylum.